…”Oh let me just add”…

Many years ago I was invited to play in a Golf Outin’ down in the Centerville/Brent area of Alabama. It was bein’ held at a small, very nice little (Country) Country Club. I remember bein’ impressed by the golf course it’s self. It was very well maintained for not bein’ any larger than it was. I don’t remember exactly WHO was actually hostin’ it. But an ole friend of mine, “The Ole Tater Chip Salesman”, worked for a local Snack Food Company, who was one of the companies contributing to the Sponsorship of the days outin’. The Ole Tater Chip Salesman invited three of us (The Ole Insurance Rep, The Ole Army Depot Clerk, & I) that were all friends, to join him on a Team that his company was sponsorin’. It was a standard type “Best Ball” team format. For those of you who aren’t familiar with that term it’s that all four (4) members, per a team, each hit a shot on a given hole, & then they play the BEST SHOT (hit ball) of a Team member. Thus the term “Best Ball Format”. Even though there are four (4) actual shots available to a team, per Par Ratin’, per hole (x18 holes), there’s an awful lot of “Cheatin’ ” that takes place in these types of Golf Outin’. You pick the types of players (Dr’s, Lawyers, Judges, Salesmen, Mechanics, Land Barons, etc.). Anyone that tells you that their team played “Straight UP”, {{{{{ Cough, Cough – Bull $#!+ – Cough }}}}}, is just lyin’ to you! It’s a competition! People, I don’t care how honest they are, CHEATIN’, in these types of Golf Games, is common place. It’s just part of the fun of it. Then everyone enjoys a good meal together, as the awards/prizes that were donated are awarded. The Winners are determined by WHO CHEATED THE BEST (without gettin’ caught)! Then the days activities are over. It was a good day, good food & good fun. Now we headed home. On the way we were all reminiscin’ on the days events, had the radio cranked up, & three of us noticed the sound of {{{ “Snorin’ ” }}} comin’ from the Shot Gun Seat! The Ole Tater Chip Salesman, our host for the day, was sleepin’! It could have been from a number of things, the ride home, the borin’ company, playin’ in the hot sun that day, or TOO much COLD BEER on the Expense Account! Well, The Ole Army Depot Clerk got the idea for us “to have a little fun, at our host’s expense”. We decided to count down from three (3), {{{{{ SCREAM ! }}}}} at the tops of our lungs, & for me, the driver, SLAM ON THE BRAKES!. We knew we would be approachin’ a long straight away soon. There was a Loggin’ Truck in my rear view mirror. I let him pass me so we weren’t in any danger of hittin’ anyone or anyone hittin’ us. Then The Insurance Rep, of ALL people, started countin’ us down. 3 – 2 – 1 – {{{{{ SCREAM ! (x3) }}}}}, the sound of {{{{{ SCREECHING TIRES ! }}}}}, The Ole Tater Chip Salesman was slung forward, his Seat Belt Lock UP on him, &  he began to SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL! I mean {{{ Blood Curdlin’ Screamin’ }}} ! Not just once but several times over several seconds! But it seemed longer than that.Then he realized we were all laughin’ our asses off! It was funny! Damned Funny I must say, well at least to the three (3) of us! I had to pull over to keep from wreckin’ my car, from laughin’ so much & so hard! Needless to say The Ole Tater Chip Salesman didn’t think it was so damn funny. Oh well, sometimes, ya just have to find comedy & laughter where you can. And usually it’s at someone else’s expence! Oh let me just add, he didn’t fall back to sleep the rest of the way home!…”Hold’em Hook”!…..BG>

…”maybe ya just had to be there”…

There was a time, way back when, when we , our family, would every now & then go on a day trip to different places with another family. Friends of our. Our kids were just a couple of years apart. In each family there was a son & daughter. So the trips & days went well. On this particular day we were headed to Tallapoosa, GA. Our destination was for two stores right next door to each other. One was a Golf Supply Outlet & the other was a Year Round Christmas Store. Now, I’ll let y’all guess who was headed to which stores. The other family just happened to have a Mini Van & we all fit in it just fine. The bad thing was the other Father, he’s an “Ole Tater Chip Salesman”, would drive. I always questioned his “Man Hood” as he just looked too happy to be drivin’ a “Mini Van”! The highlight of the day happened as we were approachin’ downtown Tallapoosa, GA. It ain’t a real big town. We came in on GA Hwy #100, crossed over the ole Rail Road Tracks, turned on to US Hwy 78 & were slowly easin’ down main street. Now Tallapoosa, GA. is an OLD COUNTRY TOWN. The Ole side walks were elevated, had roofs extendin’ out over the ole sidewalks for shade & to keep the rain off of ya I guess. They were real narrow. With everything in such close proximity there, ya know, really made things reverberate underneath’em, pretty damn loud (remember that). Folks were leisurely  strollin’ along lookin’ as though they had no where to be in a hurry, as ole Country Folk do. As we eased along I noticed an Ole Dog, “Ole Blue” I called ’em, & he was just followin’ is nose along the side walk. Now “Ole Blue” was a TRIPOD! He was long legged, ribs was slightly showin’, he was just lopin’ along & had a pretty good gait goin’ too, for an Ole Tripod. I guess he was either sniffin’ out who all had been cruisin’ his territory as dogs do or he was sniffin’ for a tasty snack, dropped from some of the Saturday Strollers. Well I was ridin’ “Shotgun” & spotted “Ole Blue” bout a 1/2 a block in front of us. Well, I don’t know why it did but a strange hankerin’ was comin’ on me. The closer we got to “Ole Blue” the more excited I got. I kinda felt like a Cat, crouched down gettin’ ready to pounce. The only difference was my tail, cause I don’t have one, wasn’t twiitchin’ the closer we got to’em. There were conversations goin’ on inside the Mini Van so everyone was preoccupied & not payin’ any attention to me & they hadn’t seen “Ole Blue” yet. As I eased my window down, the attention shifted to me. A couple of folks was askin’, in unison, “why are you lettin’ the AC out”? The whole time I was easin’ my arm out the window, I sat up tall in my seat & {{{{{ WHAM! – WHAM! – WHAM!!! }}}}} I beat on the side of that Mini Van, scarin’ the hell out of everyone in it. The guy drivin’ didn’t know if he’d hit somethin’ or someone had hit him! At the same time I was doin’ my best imitation of a “BIG DOG” barkin’, {{{{{ Arrrr! – Arrrr! – Arrrr – Arrr!!! }}}}}. My Bride & my children figured it out pretty quick. They know me! The driver’s wife & kids were still tryin’ to figure out what their Dad/Her Husband had hit!. “Ole Blue” flung his head around, tucked his tail between his legs, as though there was a BIG Ole Dog about to take off part of his ass! He was tryin’ to get some traction to get the hell out of there. It was kinda like his clutch was slippin’! His ole long lanky legs were goin’ thru the motions but he just wasn’t gettin’ no where. Bout that time his ole paws caught traction, he flung his ole head back to the left & {{{{{ WHAM ! }}}}}. Right into the side of the buildin’, face first! {{{{{ Rrr – Rrr – Rrr – Rrr!!! }}}}} the whole time & down he went!. He finally got up, still just a hollerin’ {{{{{ Rrr – Rrr – Rrr – Rrr!!! }}}}} & took out around the corner & he never checked up!!! I laughed so hard my ribs & throat were hurtin’. Like a chain reaction, from the others in the “Mini Van”, all began to break out in laughter as well. Except for “Ole Tater Chip Salesman” he was still tryin’ to figure out what just happened to his “MiniVan”. I don’t know, maybe ya just had to be there. We didn’t buy anything that day but it was pretty entertain’ for me I must say…”Hold’em Hook”!…..BG>

…”I didn’t use A Draft”…

Just Chillin'I have been questioned several times why I write/type, as I do? Meanin’ “Why don’t you use Paragraphs”? Plain & Simple “I’m not good at it”!  When an topic/subject comes into my head I don’t see Paragraphs. I don’t THINK in Paragraphs! Do you? Hell maybe there’s somethin’ wrong with the way I think, I don’t know. I understand many/most writers plan “A Draft”! They think of & decide on a subject/topic. They they start thinkin’ out their paragraphs in the form of “A Draft”. Some are so borin’, to me (as I’m sure mine are to others), the way they flow. Some seem to go “Step by step (#1, #2, #3, and so on) in a format. Some seem to ramble yet, are able to, tie them all together well. As for me, my mind just wanders unrestrained. Once I turn it loose, hell, there’s NO TELLIN’ where it might go. I type/write my thoughts as they play out in my minds eye. Maybe if I had been a better student in my “English Classes”, through out my educational years, I would be more like others. But I’m NOT! I’m me. I have always enjoyed writin’ in my form. My problem was my form wasn’t bein’ taught. My concept didn’t conform. Then I had to “Diagram” my work in class. Right! It was said, a time or two, “You have very good content but you don’t have A Draft & you didn’t Diagram your work”. I just couldn’t grasp that concept. That always seemed to get me either a “D” or an “F” in English. Did I fail English? Oh hell yeah, several times. I’m probably the only student on record at Jefferson State Jr. College that failed English #095 ( Remedial English) TWICE!!. Guess that tells ya where my College Career ended. Oh well. I just hope you enjoy my content & don’t get confused by my lack of structure, I didn’t use “A Draft”…”Hold’em Hook”!…..BG>

…”My mug was empty”…

Blue Heron

The early mornin’ temps, out on the Deck this mornin’, were in the mid 70’s as I sat sippin’ my “Mug-O-Joe”. No breeze at all, so my remote control {{{ click – click }}} to the ceiling fan, changed that. As I sat there enjoyin’ my breakfast of a banana, a cup of dry Honey Nut Cheerios, & my mornin’ “Joe” there was quite a ruckus goin’ on down at the water. “Ole Pete”, our resident Blue Heron, was tryin’ to enjoy a calm mornin’ of fishin’ for his breakfast of Shad. Then suddenly there appeared another Blue Heron  who decided to try & run “Ole Pete” off of his spot at the boat launch. The culprit, I believe, was who we recognize as “Re-Pete”, quickly learned that he wasn’t near as bad as he thought he was. The squawkin’ got to be rather loud as the two exchanged insults, in Heron talk. Then the body posturin’ began & the flappin’ of wings almost seemed dangerous. It really didn’t last too long but, in the moment, it seemed to last quite a while. “Ole Pete” ended it by runnin’ “Re-Pete” off squawkin’, at the top of his lungs, or so it appeared. Just wish I could’ve understood Heron talk. Things finally settled down, “Ole Pete” went back to his spot on the boat launch & continued catchin’ & enjoyin’ his breakfast of fresh shad. As for me, well, it was time for a refill of “Joe”. My mug was empty. Hope y’all enjoyed the start of your day as much as I did…”Hold’em Hook!…..BG>

…” stay out of the heat, hydrate plenty”…

IMG_0364I got up this mornin’ & enjoyed my “Mug-O-Joe (x3)” while catchin’ up on the world. The local News said 20% chance of rain with 90 to 100 % Humidity. The chances of rain will go up for the rest of the week so I though I’d get my grass cut before the rain sets in. At 8:30 a.m. the Power goes out! My bride was in the shower, I called the Coosa Valley Power Company to report the outage. So, I pulled out the Portable Gen-Set, kicked off all the breakers, fired up the Gen-Set, connected the house up, threw the safety swich, flipped all the fuses back on except the AC & we were back up & runnin’. My bride turned on all six (6) ceiling fans upstairs & I turned on the two (2) downstairs, in The Cave. I finally got started on the yard around 9:30 a.m. & I can say I got it done before lunch 12:30 p.m.. Cut, weed eatin’, & blowin’ everythin’ clean. Hell, I even washed the underside of the cuttin’ deck on my mower. When I finally got everything put away I sat down & realized the neighbors power was back on. I let my Bride know I was goin’ to kill the Gen-Set reverse the fuses again, I double checked with her about ours & she said everything was goin’ & the AC was back on. So, I disconnected the Gen-Set, shut it down & decided to sit & cool down a bit. I then realized just how much the heat & humidity had taken out of me. I was soaked from sweatin’ & cleansin’ my pores. I finally drug myself up for a nice cool shower, grabbed some lunch, & am now chillin’ in “The Cave”. Y’all stay out of the heat, hydrate plenty, & chill…”Hold’em Hook”!…..BG>  

…”NO MORE HAND ME DOWNS”!…

After THREE different “Delivery Dates”, via an on line order, I’m supposed to be gettin’ My NEW Computer today. Yeah, I know, many of you out there thinkin’ “What’s the big deal, it’s just a computer”? It’s a BIG deal for me! I’ve NEVER had a NEW Computer. Every computer I’ve ever gotten has been a “Hand Me Down”. I got what wasn’t good enough, anymore for another family member, because THEY needed the NEW one with all the “Bells & Whistles”. Ole Bill/Dad doesn’t need all that technology! He could be dangerous! Hell, even at work, I NEVER had a NEW Computer. It was a “Hand Me Down” because some Manager, at the top, thought they needed the NEW one, more, so that they could occupy their busy days by checkin’ the Stock Market, watchin’ their 401K, playin’ Solitaire, shopin’ on Ebay, or what ever their personal mission of the day was. It started the “Trickle Down Effect”. When the New one came in they would get their old one scrubbed down by the IT dept. Then the next level Mgr would decide he needed the “Ole Bosses scrubbed unit” & so on until it got to me, or who ever else was in need of one. I grew up on “Hand Me Downs”! NOT this time! “All  the Stars & Planets have lined up for ME”, again! The day is HERE, MY NEW Computer will be here TODAY! I feel like a child on their Birthday or @ Christmas. The anticipation is killin’ me! I’ll be lookin’ out the window every-time I hear the sound of what I think could be “The Delivery Truck” comin’ down the driveway {{{wait a minute! Nope!}}}, all 200 ft from the road! Now I’ll have to learn a lot of new systems & processes, but I’m lookin’ forward to it. “NO MORE HAND ME DOWNS”! I need another Mug-O-Joe…”Hold’em Hook”!…..BG>

…”I feel safe in sayin’ “…

Just Chillin'Yesterday was a dreary lookin’ day, most of the day.  Early in the mornin I headed to The Ham to get my Brides car serviced. Just routine servicin’. On my way back, to The Big Pell, I stopped in, unannounced as I usually do, on some Ole Friends I used to work with. I just missed one as he had an appointment to keep but I did get to visit with his office manager. She was sharin’ with me the recent loss of a Grandchild just a few months old. Very touchin’ story. I didn’t stay too long as she was the only one there runnin’ the business. I headed on home & got there just in time for lunch & spent some time with my Bride & daughter before headin’ back to The Ham for my BHS monthly evenin’ get together. The rain’ finally made it & made things sort of hazardous as folks just refuse to slow down on their way home. Me First-Me First! “Damn The Torpedoes, Full Speed Ahead”! Before ya know it there’s metal crunckin’ & glass shatterin’ along the route. I had a feelin’ there weren’t goin’ to be many folks show up @ The Village Tavern (VT). Vacation time, weather, & work schedules always affect the out turn. There were only Four (4) BHS folks & One (1) WHS friend made it. Later there were two (2) more BHS folks joined us briefly. They had been there @ The VT for other reasons but it was great to see’em. As time ticked around to 8:00pm it was once again time to head our separate ways. I got home & was settlin’ in. I got on the computer & noticed a FB Post under the name of “Susan Thompson Wright“, BHS Class of 1979, I knew Susan had been plannin’ on meetin’ with us earlier this evenin’. Her daughter had posted that her Mom, Susan, has passed away earlier in the day. Susan was one who attended our BHS get together quite often. It was a shock to hear of her passin’. My heart kinda sunk. Again, I have to say, we just don’t get to see old friends often enough. Susan will be missed by us all. I feel safe in sayin’ our most Sincere Condolences go out to Susan’s Family & Loved ones…Hold’em Hook”!…..BG>